Monday, March 31, 2008

Raindrops on Roses

...and whiskers on kittens. Bright copper kettles and worm woollen mittens. Brown paper packages tied up with strings, these are a few of my favorite things."

"Hello Dolly, well Hello Dolly..."

"Ding ding ding went the trolley, ring ring ring went the bell, sing sing sing went my heartstrings, when he smiled I could feel the car shake."

"Bye, bye Birdie. Ta ta old sweetie pie. Bye Bye Birdie...time for me to fly!"

"Come on with the rain I've a smile on my face! I'll walk down the lane with a happy refrain, just singing, singing in the rain!."

"I could have danced all night. I could have danced all night, and still have begged for more. I could have spread my wings, and done a thousand things, I've never done before..."

"His royal highness, Christopher Rupert son of his majesty King giving a BALL."

Some of my favorite numbers from musicals gone by are represented above. The lyrics in themselves are not profound, they don't have anything of deep significance to say, but...for some reason, those songs can pull me from a funk like nothing else. Maybe it's the cheery tunes, or the knowledge that at the end of the movie the guy will have the girl and there will be a fantastic display of color, dancing and grander that will encompass the finale. I dunno really...I just really like musicals.

I'm taking a study break at the moment. I've got a test in the morning...eeek. I hope it goes well.
I don't really have much to say at the moment, except to ask for some prayer from whoever reads this. God is continuing to pull me through some stuff, and it's not easy nor fun, but I know it's for the best. He has a plan. :-)

Anyway, that's about all for now...

Monday, March 24, 2008

Of Cabbages and Kings

"and why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings..."
No I'm not going to expound on all things Lewis Carroll, I just happen to really enjoy that part of the poem.
I do have a question though. Why pigs. Why not some other sort of land ridden creature. You always hear people saying "when pigs fly" or something of that equivilant. Why does no one go around saying "when a lemer grows wings" or "when wombats fly" and what is it that's so wonderful about the flight thing? Yes, flying in itself would be absolutely amazing, but really...what about something like "when jelly fish sprout legs" or something like that?
Yes I'm curious...and a dork. I've accepted this.

Now for a different topic:

I'd like to talk about the weather.
No really, I'm serious.
Stop looking at me like that...

The weather has been absolutely gorgeous the past few days, and then suddenly...BAM cold front! It's like spring was here, and in fact the season is, but you'd never know it by today. I mean, seriously...the flowers are going to get all confused.
Flowers really are gullible. Take my mom's daffodils for instance. They bloom at the first hint of warm weather then are struck down by the cold front that hadn't left but was just lying in wait to see if it could smite any unsuspecting reminders of spring. Cold is vicious sometimes.
Don't get me wrong, I love the cold...but I was just getting used to the sun again...ah well. Maybe the daffodils and I have something in common, except I don't think the cold will smite me.

In closing...I'd like to leave you with some lyrics to one of my new favorite songs.


Built a fortress
With a hundred thousand faces
I'll keep it safe
With a hundred thousand more
But these masks are wearing thin
As You draw me in.

I spent my time
On the empty and the fleeting
I spent my life
On much less than I'd dreamed
But I'm reaching out to you
To make me new

'Cause I am just a beggar here at Your door
I am just a shipwreck here on Your shore
I come empty handed
Ready to see
Your life in me changing who I've been
To who I need to be

You tell me my story
As You sift between the pages
I feel redemption
In the space between each turn
Could You take me in Your arms
And tell it just once more
Could You take me in Your arms
And tell it just once more

--Starfield: Beauty in the Broken

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

On A Day Like This...

Today I woke up at about 7:10.
"Alysha, we thought you weren't a morning person!"

I'm not.

I was awake for two reasons. One because my slot for pre-registration opened up at 7:30 and I was determined to register at exactly that time so that I could get a class at the time I wanted...
Sitting at the computer anxious to know if I was able to beat the rush and claim one of the last 2 spots available: heart pounding, mind racing...

Ok that was a bit much...note to self: skip dramatic suspense element when no actual 'drama' is involved.

Ahem. Back to the story.

See the situation was this: If I got the time spot I wanted I would have a class from 12:00-12:50. Not the best time ever, but workable. I would still get lunch so that was cool. If I did not get the spot I wanted, I would be doing a night class from 7-8:15pm. Not fun.
I don't hate night classes, but by that time, my attention span is pretty much shot.

The second reason was that I had a test today in Doctrine II. This normally wouldn't be so bad, except that I hadn't really studied as much as I needed to. I didn't just not study, but in all honesty, I did not feel well prepared for the test. I decided I'd get some more time in after the whole classes thing was settled.
Now, you may be surprised at my lack of was I. I have been in a slump as of late. I don't want to work on things, I just want school to be over. This is a bad position to be in normally but especially now. I only have about five-six weeks left of school and this is the time when professors cram papers and tests and projects into the schedule. Sometimes, I think it's to see which one of them can make you cry first, but hey I could be wrong. ;-)

Yeah, so I didn't get too much more studying in before the test, but it is now over...and no I don't know how I did. I don't think I did horribly, but I'm honestly not sure what kind of grade I'll get. We'll see.
Well it's time for me to eat I'm off.
P.S. Yes, I did get the 12-12:50 spot. :-)

Sunday, March 16, 2008


Palm Sunday.
A day where we celebrate the entrance of our Lord into Jerusalem. I don't know about any of you, but to me, Palm Sunday brings mixed emotions. I love the fact that Easter is so near, but if you think about it, today marks an occasion that happens right before the greatest suffering in history. It is good to celebrate, but we should also remember that before redemption comes the fire. Just a thought.

In church this morning, there were several ideas that were discussed in relation to Palm Sunday. One was that when the King comes, there should be a proper response from the people.
That response should be joyful, spontaneous, and filled with adoration. I'll be the first to admit that I've fallen into passivity. I've fallen into spiritual stoicism.
I know that being 'happy' and being 'joyful' are two very different things, but until our response to Christ has been turned around and pointed in the right direction, both the joy and the happiness that are found in Him will escape us.
Psalm 63: 2-5 talks about David's hunger for God. We need to have that hunger today. Far too often I 'snack' on the things of this world, when I could be full in Christ:

"I'm playing game boy standing in the middle of the Grand Canyon.
I'm eating candy sitting at a gourmet feast.
I'm wadding in a puddle when I should be swimming in the ocean.
Tell me, what's the deal with me?"

Another thing...I have a book of daily readings from the works of C.S. Lewis, and today's smacked me upside the head, here is a section of it...

Concerning Our Arithmetic --
We all want progress. But progress means getting nearer to the place where you want to be. And if you've taken a wrong turning, then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; and in that case the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man.
We have all seen this when doing arithmetic. When I have started a sum the wrong way, the sooner I admit it and go back and start again, the faster I shall get on. There is nothing progressive about being pig headed and refusing to admit a mistake.
--from Mere Christianity

Wow. The service this morning, and this reading combined to whack me upside the head with something that has been long in coming:
Let go. Turn around. Come home.

Those three messages combined with the two already in my heart:

Be Open. Be Patient...

have thrown me into a whirlwind.
I've been wandering around the same issues for a long time now. Struggling with the same insecurities, hopes, dreams, situations...and I'm tired.
I know I've been guilty of twisting situations in my head. I've been so caught up in what I thought I needed, what I thought He was going to do in my life, that I've been missing reality.
I've been fighting for the wrong thing.
It's a strange feeling, I mean...I know the messages on my heart, but I have no idea how to incorporate them.
The only thing I can really let go...turn around...and begin my journey.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Here Comes the Sun...

This morning I rolled out of bed at 9:20. The significance? I have class at 9:30. Interesting start to my day to say the least. I will say that I was in class before it started, dressed and coherent. Horrah...yeah...I don't like getting up that late, and it usually throws me off most of the day, but today has been absolutely incredible.
After class I went to the gym. I debated going back to my room first to grab my hat which I had forgotten in my earlier haste, but I knew if I went back I'd never make it back to the gym, so I went on without it. I have a weird attachment to wearing that hat when I workout. It's nothing really that special, just a red baseball cap I got from a store at the mall one time, but for some reason it's the only one of my caps that fits me really well. Weird I know. Anyway...I was the only one there for about twenty minutes. I love it when that happens. I don't mind other people in there, it's just a neat feeling when you're the only one.

Seems like I was recovering by being a bit productive right? Well, lest you have too much faith in me...there should be something known. I love spring weather, and today was one of the most beautiful days all year so far, and I could absolutely not make myself go inside and work on homework. I instead, sat in the grass outside with a group of my friends and relaxed and talked until my next class. Productive? No. Socially affirming? Absolutely.
I did get a sunburn on six inches of my left arm, so I suppose justice has been served.

Monday, March 10, 2008


I'm sitting here at my computer desperately trying to make myself work on a screenplay that is supposed to be finished in about a week and a half. I do want to work on it, and I'm excited about my story, the problem is that right next to the desk, sitting in all their glory, are about thirteen movies that I'm borrowing that I really want to watch. Now, the age old question flutters through my consciousness...should I work on the screenplay and be rewarded with a sense of accomplishment, or should I watch one of the movies and hope that I will have time later to work on the screenplay.
Procrastination. An ugly disease that afflicts the strongest of souls. Even people with the best intentions succumb to its alluring qualities. Why do something now...when you can brush it off for a more amusing option and end up pressed for time later wondering why you didn't just do the silly thing in the first place. Quite the scene...
Logic: Well, I could do the screenplay now, I had already planned on doing it tonight. Just work on it for a little while and then you can watch a movie.
Opposing View: Ah, sheesh...forget about the screenplay for tonight. You've had a full day and you worked on it a little bit earlier. Watch a movie. It'll be fine.
Logic: I need to be productive. I should work on the screenplay
Opposing View: Come ON. How much could you really get done in an hour or two?
Logic: Enough...

And on this goes for who knows how long. At this point, if you are wondering if I am schizophrenic, then answer is no. I'm...well...something...hopefully amusing at the very least.
What will I do you may wonder...will I follow logic, or fall into the trap of procrastination...
The answer...
I have no idea....and yes I am aware that by writing all of this I have procrastinated the procrastination...
Yeah, I'm talented.

Saturday, March 8, 2008


I've always liked trees. Ever since I was a kid, trees for some reason held special interest to me. I used to climb a willow tree that we had in our yard, and I'd torture my dolls by tossing them up as high as they could go into the tree and hoping they'd get stuck so that the 'prince' or 'male doll' would have to save them (This would be accomplished by my throwing the aforementioned doll up into the tree and whacking the already stuck 'princess' out of the tree where the two would fall in harmony to the ground. On the occasion that they both became captured in the clutches of the tree, my dad would be outside with a ladder patiently trying to pry the toys from the high dungeon I'd created). I didn't have an overactive imagination at all. Neither did I love fairy tales...oh no...

It's been years since I've thrown anything up into a tree, but I've been struck as of late with how truly beautiful they are. I was driving down the road today and I noticed all these bare trees scraping the brilliant blue sky and my heart felt like it was going to explode from pure awe. The shape of the gnarled branches reaching for the great expanse was breathtaking. It was like hundreds of arms stretched high, searching for more than their present condition would allow.

Sometimes I feel like one of those trees. Reaching...calling...into the unknown. I feel like I'm calling for answers to questions I haven't even asked. Sometimes, however; I feel like one of the dolls caught in the tree. Unable to get myself out of a situation, having to wait patiently for Someone to come and pry me loose.

At the moment I identify with both doll and tree. I feel as if I'm reaching as far as I can, but still stuck in a prison (partly of my own making). I'm waiting, but I'm searching in my wait and I hope I never stop grasping for the answers.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Hello dear void...

I hate to disappoint anyone who believed that a blog titled "Writer's Block" would be full of disgruntled attempts at emo poetry or failed tries at an award winning novel. Also I would like to throw out there that the only reason I have this blog is so I can unashamedly fill a corner of the web with my ramblings. There will be some posts where if I have any male readers notions of a 'hormonal female' will certainly grace their thoughts, but I'm not one to cater to the idea that women cannot show emotion. That was for the days of King Henry VIII and look where that attitude got him...hmmm...
Anyway. This is what comes from watching too many period films in a three day span.
I'm not really sure what to write about at the moment.
I just wanted to say "hello dear void" (a cookie to anyone who knows that quote)

That's all for now,
Maybe my blog title is more pertinent than I originally thought...