Sunday, June 29, 2008



The last week has been very thought provoking to say the least. I feel like...I have more clarity than ever before, and yet I'm still as confused as ever. I've got all these thoughts playing bumper cars inside my head and let me tell you, that doesn't bode well for someone prone to migraines.

I'm currently working on a writing project for Terebinth (if you don't know what that is ask me) and I decided about a month ago that I would do a series of ten pieces on the theme of Transformation. These will include several short stories, some informal poetry and some formal poetry. I'm currently half done and I like what I've got so far...but...and this is where it gets interesting...I had no idea that *I* would be put through a 'transformation' of sorts myself.

Now, I'm not talking about a physical transformation, although if I somehow sprang up a few inches I wouldn't complain hehe. I'm talking about a transformation of the heart. I've been holding onto some things that I shouldn't be, and I know I need to let go, but the truth is that I'm scared stiff to actually release those issues.

Fear is a horrible thing that grabs onto you and pulls you under the currant so you're not sure if what you're breathing is really life sustaining or slowly drowning you...

Yeah, I think too much at times...
Ah well, the journey is waiting, all I have to do is let go and free fall.
Eeek! Well, here goes.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Through The Looking Glass

You know sometimes how you 'know' something but there comes a time when that 'something' really takes hold of you? I had one of those moments about a week ago and I wanted to write it down...or...type as the case may be.

I went to a wedding last weekend, and something really struck me...I was driving, and...well I can't remember if it was before the wedding or after it, I think it was before, anyway, so there I was in the car listening to my 'sappy songs' play list (yeah I know, but honestly, considering my personality, there wasn't much else I could listen to on a day of a wedding) and I was thinking about life, love, fairy tales, dreams...that sort of thing...and one song really hit was called Measure of a Man...and the lyrics of the chorus are:

"Will he walk on water?
Will he run through the fire?
Will he stand before you when it's down to the wire?
Will he give his life up to be all he can?
Is that, is that, is that
How you measure a man?"

Admittedly not the most brilliant lyrics ever, but as I was listening to them, I was struck by a moment of wishing that I did have something like that, that fairy tale...rescue the damsel thing.
Moment of truth here:
I am a very independent person. (Yeah yeah, hold the shocked gasps for later please) and it's hard for me to admit when I need help, but I am a girl, and a hopeless romantic, and there is a large part of me that really wants to be rescued. I've been told that's normal so I'm not too worried about it. I mean, it's great to 'fight back' or to win a battle on your own, but it's so exciting to have someone fight for you. Fight with you...yeah. I've always said that I don't want to be the helpless maiden, but neither do I want to be the 'warrior princess' type. I want to fight, but I also want to be fought for...anyway, that's more than you needed to know about my life, back to the story:

All of that was going through my head at a speed that would make Superman jealous, and clear as anything, the words "I've done that" echoed through my brain. It was like the world stopped spinning for a moment. I couldn't think, I couldn't really breathe (which while driving isn't the best thing ever...haha). Hot tears ran down my face and a burst of pure joy sprang out. I starting laughing, and crying all at the same one of the most wonderful experiences I've had.

I do have Someone who has gone through the fires of hell to rescue my soul, to cherish my heart, to fight for me and with me. He has me...He loves me, and He will continue to win battles over me. I never felt so loved as I did at that moment.

Anyway, all that to say, don't give up dreaming...and you know, fairy tales have more substance than we give them credit for you...are loved so much more than you could ever imagine, and when you're in the midst of a battle and you feel like you're alone, you're not. He's fierce as a lion...He's fighting...and winning!

Well. Yeah I'm done for now.

Sunday, June 15, 2008


I'm so tired...
Soul weary
Heart wrenching

Jesus be my strength.