tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27614977965790101122024-03-14T07:18:02.403-07:00Shelf LifeMini essays/journal entries on the different non fiction books which I am reading.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.comBlogger58125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-81997883797146792882009-11-03T14:46:00.000-08:002009-11-03T14:49:40.449-08:00Coming SoonHey everyone,<br /><br />Just letting you know that I'm pretty swamped for the next two weeks so while the second chapter will be up soon it might take longer than I had originally thought. PLEASE comment in the meantime :-)<br /><br />Thanks!<br /><br />AlyshaA.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-46976145553611503492009-10-26T19:38:00.000-07:002009-10-26T19:39:40.371-07:00Wild At Heart: Chapter OneHey everyone! Here are my thoughts on the first chapter of Wild At Heart by John Eldredge. Hope you enjoy reading!<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">“It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly…who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who have never known neither victory or defeat.”</span><br />--Teddy Roosevelt<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">“He is not tame, but he is good.”</span><br />--C.S. Lewis: The Chronicles of Narnia<br /><br />John Eldredge begins his work by describing a trek he is taking through the Sawatch Range in Colorado. He speaks of grand wilderness and stunning colors. He tells the reader how he is searching the elusive bull elk. He wants to catch a glimpse of the magnificently elusive creature but knowing that the likeliness of that happening is not very good. Still he presses on in his journey, and then lets the reader in on a secret: It is not for the bull moose that he is in the middle of nowhere. In his own words he says “There is something else I’m after…I am searching for an even more elusive prey…something that can only be found through the help of wilderness. I am looking for my heart.”<br /><br />Throughout the first chapter, Eldredge invites men to take a deep and revealing look at their lives and admit that something is off. Something is missing. Somehow, our society has lost the definition of true masculinity and has stripped men of their wildness, of their heart. “The core of a man’s heart is undomesticated and that is good.” He is not talking about violence or inviting men to be cruel with their strength. He is rather inviting men to truly explore what it is about them, at their core, that makes them long for something more, something exciting, something dangerous. <br /><br />Eldredge makes a great point a couple pages later when he says that “society at large cannot make up its mind about men. Having spent the last thirty years redefining masculinity into something more sensitive, safe, manageable and well, feminine, it now berates men for not being men…how can a man know he is one when his highest aim is minding his manners?” <br /><br />AMEN! This is one of my biggest pet peeves about how men are represented in society, whether it’s commercials, blockbuster movies or novels. Men are put into a box of being “safe” or a bit dull or dimwitted and when a character falls out of that mold, they are the “bad boy” or the “rebel.” Sheesh. I mean…really…look at, William Wallace, or William Wilburforce. Those were two absolutely powerhouse men who fought for justice in very real ways. One fought on a battlefield, one in a courtroom…but both strong, determined and definitely “unsafe” men. (Incidentally, William Wilburforce is one of my personal heroes…I hope to write a paper or something about him one day. ☺ )<br />Anyway, back to the book:<br />Eldredge undresses the typical Christian man. He is stable, dependable, non-drinker, non-smoker…nice guy…and…BORED. Eldredge claims that a lot of the Christian men in America are bored. He is not saying every one is like that but he is saying that the church as a whole has slacked off on inviting men to share their masculinity with the church body. He then asks both his male and female readers “What makes you come alive? What stirs your heart?” <br />The answers to these questions are essential if we as humans, as children of God as soldiers for Christ are ever going to realize our potential for the Kingdom of Heaven. <br /><br />There are three desires which Eldredge says are written onto the heart of every man. These are: A battle to fight, an adventure to live and a beauty to rescue. <br /><br />A Battle To Fight – <br />(NOTE: Each of these three have their own chapters…so I will do a bit now but will unpack them more in depth when I get to those chapters)<br />Eldredge claims that there is “something fierce in the heart of every man.” I love this statement. Exodus 15:3 states that “The LORD is a warrior. The LORD is His name.” We serve a God who is not tame, He is not safe, but He is good! He is a powerful warrior, fighting for the souls and hearts of His chosen people. It’s a beautiful, wonderful, exciting story we are a part of and men are specifically chosen to represent the wild, passionate, intense part of God’s character. <br /><br />Let me pause for a moment and say that I personally believe the heart of a warrior is in the makeup of all men. It might be hidden from years of neglect (as Eldredge suggests and goes into in a later chapter) or it might have been beaten down so much that some men do not believe it exists but it IS there. <br />“Life needs a man to be fierce-and fiercely devoted.” <br /><br />An Adventure To Live –<br />In this section, Eldredge talks about a movie called Legends of the Fall starring Anthony Hopkins and Brad Pitt. Pitt stars as Tristan, the middle of three sons who is as wild as the country surrounding him. He is passionate, fierce, romantic and completely devoted to those he loves. He is not perfect, he is a flawed character but his strength is to be admired. (I personally really like this movie…just sayin…) but the point is that Tristan, unlike his brothers went looking for adventure. He seized life and lived it to the fullest. He sucked all the marrow out of life. (Dead Poet’s Society reference anyone? Yeah, I’m a movie buff…so there will mostly likely be a lot of movie quotes or examples in here. Probably some books too…)<br /><br />Adventure is an essential part of anyone’s life. It is something that is written on the heart of people, something we long for like nothing else. It is also something most of us have packed away as impossible or as not responsible. That packing away of our desire for adventure is a dangerous thing…and something which will be discussed in a later chapter (see, I’m reeling you in with all these little preview tidbits…right? Right? Wink…wink…)<br /><br /><br />A Beauty To Rescue/ A Feminine Heart (two different but related sections)<br />The first section talks about how it is not enough for a man to have a battle to fight, he must have someone to fight for. “The battle itself is never enough; a man longs for romance. It’s not enough to be a hero; it’s that he is a hero to someone in particular, to the woman he loves.” <br /><br />Eldredge goes on to talk about the feminine heart and say that like men, women also have deep desires: She wants to be wanted, wants to be pursued, to be fought for. It is not enough to be noticed…a woman wants to be wanted and desired. Women, according to Eldredge also want an adventure to share. We want to be caught up in something bigger than ourselves…to have an adventure to share with the man we love. <br /><br />When a man offers his strength and a woman her beauty…that is when a picture of beautiful and true unity is formed. <br /><br />So…that’s a lot of material I know. And I know that I haven’t talked a lot about what I thought or unpacked it that much…but this was just the first chapter and most of these points are unpacked later so I will be able to get more in depth later. <br /><br />Anyway, thank you for reading this far…and please comment! I’d love to know if you have any thoughts about this too. If you disagree with him, or me or anything I’ve written please let me know. I want this to generate discussion. <br /><br />I will say right off the bat, that I do not agree with everything in this book and I am not blindly following or spouting what he says without thinking. I am thinking and digesting this and I will be debating and disagreeing with him at times. <br />ANYWAY, I’m done now. New post next week ☺ Thanks everyone!A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-8437950969026854652009-10-23T14:29:00.000-07:002009-10-23T14:43:30.464-07:00Ch-Ch-CHANGESOkay,<br /><br />So I've decided what I'm going to do with this blog. I will not let it go down in flames but will instead use it hopefully constructively...<br /><br />If you're interested in the "every day" part of my life...please check out my other blog:<br />http://psalm2714-progress.blogspot.com/<br /><br /><br />I'm going to take some of the non-fiction books that I've always wanted to read/finish reading and go through chapter by chapter and put down a summary and some thoughts on the chapter. <br /><br />The first book I am going to do this for is Wild At Heart by John Eldredge<br />After that I'm hoping to go through Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas<br />OR<br />Surprised by Joy (or possibly The Four Loves) by C.S. Lewis<br /><br />I am open to suggestions after the first or second book, and I'd love feedback/arguments/what in the heck are you talking about comments from anyone. <br /><br />So the *plan* is to put up a post every week or every two weeks about a chapter until the book is done. <br />I hope this will be a fun thing...both for you the reader, and me the writer.<br /><br />So without further ado...the next time I post I will start on Wild At Heart! <br />:-)A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-80973164122667876722009-09-09T20:37:00.000-07:002009-09-09T20:39:41.141-07:00...And...I say Farewell...Hey everyone!<div><br /></div><div>So, I don't really update this often so I decided that I would kinda stop using it for now. I'm not sure if anyone still reads this but...I thought I'd let you know.</div><div><br /></div><div>I *am* starting a video journal/blog thing...some serious, some not...and I might make a new site with those on it. If you would like the address to that site please contact me over facebook/email or through a comment on here. </div><div><br /></div><div>Thanks everyone!</div>A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-27722992138907874962009-09-04T02:06:00.000-07:002009-09-04T02:10:31.496-07:00Wish I could eat chocolate...So...<div>All of the wondering, the fighting, the hurting each other...it's over now. I'm not sorry...I'm not sorry to have dated a wonderful guy this past year. I'm not sorry to have fallen in love...and I'm not sorry to be in this pain right now. And I'm not giving up hope...hope that we can be friends...hope that if it is God's will we will eventually be able to come back together...but right now I need my SAVIOR in my life. I need my JESUS. We both need HIM. I pray for the both of us and I ask that you all pray too. There are two really hurting people right now...hurting people who need the healing power of their LORD CHRIST. </div><div><br /></div><div>I need You ABBA FATHER. </div><div><br /></div><div>Amen.</div>A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-75707153891878652009-09-03T06:04:00.000-07:002009-09-03T06:15:29.719-07:00What A Heart Is Beating For...Well...<div><br /></div><div>If someone told me about a month ago that asking God to teach me about love would shake things up in my life so much, would I have done it? I'm not sure. But...the thing is, that although things might be unsettling right now He *is* teaching me about love. HIS love. My love fails, my love puts undue pressure into things, my love is selfish, HIS love is selfLESS. I want to share that kind of love. And...I don't want to be afraid of love. Yes, love of any sort is messy and unpredictable and can cause a whole lot of chaos but in the end, choosing to love someone, be it a parent, friend, spouse/significant other...or even someone who is your 'mortal enemy' is a very freeing experience. Love, I'm convinced is a choice we have to make every day of our lives. Yes, the fuzzy feelings are there, but love is more than that as I'm sure all of you know. Love is more than saying "I love you" to someone. It's the small things...it's the choices we make every day. Saying the words without that seems hollow to me...but it's exactly what I do. I tell people I love them but I'm afraid I don't have the actions to back that up. I don't have the Love of Christ in me for them. It's a selfish thing. </div><div><br /></div><div>Jesus, please help me be selfless and no matter what to never stop giving YOUR love to people. God please keep teaching me about love. No matter if it hurts...God I want to learn. </div>A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-37105955671125229032009-07-18T20:13:00.000-07:002009-07-18T20:26:10.261-07:00Two for one todayThis kinda describes how I'm feeling at the moment...<div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; font-family:Verdana;font-size:small;">"I never loved nobody fully<br />Always one foot on the ground<br />And by protecting my heart truly<br />I got lost in the sounds<br />I hear in my mind<br />All these voices<br />I hear in my mind all these words<br />I hear in my mind all this music<br /><br />And it breaks my heart...<br />It breaks my heart<br /><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Verdana, fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; font-family:Verdana;font-size:small;">--Regina Spektor: Fidelity (well, parts)</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Verdana, -webkit-fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Verdana, fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; font-family:Verdana;font-size:small;">The music video for this song is amazing. During the whole thing she is "dating" a mannequin with no head, but in the last scene she breaks open her heart necklace and out pours all kinds of colored dust and then her 'fake guy' turns real and they have a colored dust fight. It made me really happy hehe. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Verdana, fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; font-family:Verdana;font-size:small;">I keep feeling like this is all a dream...that I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and things will be back to normal...I...know that can't happen. I know what I'd love to do but I can't do that, I can't even say what I want to say I...I...well...that's all for now.<br /><br /></span></div>A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-73933821417463111322009-07-18T19:52:00.000-07:002009-07-18T19:59:46.185-07:00And the beat goes on...Well...I'm still as confused as I was yesterday. I tell you what, I thought yesterday was hard...oh no. Nothing compared to today. I didn't know I had that much water in me to cry so much but it's a good thing to cry sometimes. Geez...I found out today that there is no easy way to shut off reminders. Everywhere I go there are memories. I'm not sure what else to say except that I'd love it if you guys would pray. Obviously there is a lot I'm not going to blab about over cyberspace but let's just say that prayer would be greatly appreciated. I know God has His hand in this. I don't know how it will turn out but I know whatever happens it is God's doing and I'm ready to have an open hand and let Him take or give what He wants to. <div>Gah I hate that all of this is happening now. Why wouldn't it have happened like...six months ago eh? Well...no I know the answer to that. I wasn't ready to listen six months ago. Well I'm listening...not happy about it...but I'm listening. </div><div>It will work out for God's glory and He will keep my heart in His hand. I do wish my eyes would stop acting like leaky faucets though...</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-76692120941752953652009-07-17T21:39:00.000-07:002009-07-17T21:53:40.354-07:00Midnight ThoughtsHow is it that revelations seem to come just a bit too late sometimes. Like, you don't really see things clearly until you are forced to snap out of your present situation and take a step back.<div><br /></div><div>I've learned some things over the past couple days...things that have been long in coming and that I've been running from for a long time. I know I've messed up. I know I've hurt those I care the most about. I know I've let a blessing pass me by and I was too stuck in my own selfishness to realize the blessing before it started slipping away from me. </div><div><br /></div><div>God and I had a long talk today...several actually...and I really...honestly don't know what to say. I let go. It took a long time but I finally did it. I've been crying all day...and even now as I'm writing...tears are spilling from my eyes. I don't know the right decision here. I know what I want but I also am not sure that is what is needed...I have no idea. I have no control. Absolutely none. I am powerless in this situation, and it's about freakin' time. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm fallen...I'm broken...I'm weeping...I'm right where God wants me to be right now. I'm in a position where I have to surrender or be crushed by my own self-pity. I choose surrender. </div><div><br /></div><div>I've put on a mask for so long...shut out my pain for so long that now...it is hitting me full force and all I want to do is...well...that...can't happen right now. I'm crying...full force...not trying to stop it...not numbing myself...not pushing the pain away. Just crying...aching...hurting...burning with the pain...and it is good. It is healing...it is needed...</div><div><br /></div><div>The last time I cried so much was one day last year when I was waiting to make a phone call that would change my life. I wouldn't give up this year, nor would I want to erase it. I've learned so much and felt so much acceptance...and so much patience...and I've messed up larger than I ever have before. </div><div><br /></div><div>Again, almost a year later I'm now waiting on a phone call...one that will change my life as well. I have no idea what will happen but I do know that no matter what happens I will not give up. I will not be ruled by fear or dread any longer. I won't. </div><div><br /></div><div>If given the chance I would fight tooth and nail for the very thing I let slip away. I'm ready to fight. I'm willing to fight...months too late, but I'm ready. It might not matter now. But...I have hope. I have hope that things will be okay. God will have His way in this. He will use this for His glory. He will heal the broken and restore freedom and hope to the captive. </div><div><br /></div><div>Amen.<br /><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: small; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; ">"Sweeping eggshells still at 3 A.M.<br />We're trying far too hard<br />The tattered thought balloons above our heads<br />Sinking in the weight of all we need to say<br />Why's and what if's have since long played out<br />Left us short on happy endings<br /><br />And it's no one's fault<br />There's no black and white<br />Only you and me<br />On this endless night<br />And as the hours run away<br />With another life<br />Oh, darling can't you see<br />It's now or never<br />It's now or never"<br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Verdana, fantasy;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">--Part of Now or Never: Josh Groban</span></span></div></div>A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-6300844024394196822009-07-15T05:38:00.000-07:002009-07-15T05:47:07.819-07:00It's Time<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">"I'm at a loss for words, <b>there's nothing to say</b><br />I sit in silence wondering <b>what led me to this place</b><br />How did my </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">heart</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> </span></b>become so <b>lifeless and cold</b><br /><i><b>Where did the passion go?</b></i><br /><br />When all my efforts seem like chasing wind<br />I've used up all my strength and<b> there's nothing left to give</b><br /><b>I've lost the feeling and I'm down to the core</b><br />I can't fake it anymore.<br /><br /><br />Here I am at the end I'm in need of resurrection<br /><b>Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead</b><br />What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption<br />You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again<br /><br />You speak and all creation falls to its knees<br />You raise Your hand and calm the waves of the raging sea<br /><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">You have a way of turning winter to spring<br />Make something beautiful out of all this suffering</span></b></i><br /><br /><br />Here I am once again I'm in need of resurrection<br />Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead<br />What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption<br /><b>You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again</b><br /><br />You have a way of turning winter to spring<br />Make something beautiful out of all this suffering"</span><br /></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">-Nicol Sponburg: Resurrection </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div>A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-76425619393003851002009-07-10T14:26:00.000-07:002009-07-10T14:40:59.128-07:00Vacation!I just got finished listening to one of my favorite songs "Defying Gravity" from the musical Wicked. :-) Great song. I wish I could sing that one day. <div><br /></div><div>Anyway, right now I'm getting ready to go to the beach with two of my best girl friends and I'm excited for the week to begin. I'm looking forward to not have responsibilities for a week. I'm also excited to have some time to read and journal and write and stuff like that. Maybe I'll even work on my senior project whilst down there. hehe. Maybe. </div><div><br /></div><div>I've discovered some interesting things about myself lately, one of which is that I need to write my 'revelations' down because I forget otherwise...I need that tangible reminder. I just have gotten out of the habit of writing...*grin*</div><div><br /></div><div>There have been lots of things happening lately and I'm still confused but I've decided to live in the confusion and let God sort it out in His timing. :-) Cause He will. And being confused won't hurt anyone for the time being...it will later if I never get unconfused but for now it's a faith thing...and I'm tired of running...I'm letting God handle this. </div><div><br /></div><div>Here are some things I'm hoping to do while down there:</div><div>--Get a tan</div><div>--Do a lot of reading/writing/journaling/drawing</div><div>--Go see HP 6</div><div>--Shopping</div><div>-- Some good girl time</div><div>-- Good discussion</div><div>-- Some fun phone conversations with my guy</div><div>-- Some good workouts on the beach</div><div>-- Watching fun movies</div><div><br /></div><div>:-) I like vacation! The only things that would make it even more awesome is if I could smuggle Teej and my cat with me in my suitcase hehe. Alas...neither of those options will happen. Kiki would whine the whole time and I don't think Teej would like being shoved in a suitcase either. haha.</div><div>Anyway. I gotta go and finish packing. :-) </div><div><br /></div><div>Beach: here I come! </div>A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-20811452629438630102009-06-12T11:14:00.000-07:002009-06-12T11:21:38.529-07:00Because I knew you...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">"I've heard it said <br />That people come into our lives </span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">For a reason <br />Bringing something we must learn <br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">And we are led <br />To those who help us most to grow <br />If we let them <br />And we help them in return </span><br />Well, I don't know if I believe that's true <br />But <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">I know I'm who I am today <br />Because I knew you... </span></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">Like a comet pulled from orbit <br />As it passes a sun <br />Like a stream that meets a boulder <br />Halfway through the wood <br />Who can say if I've been changed for the better? <br />But because I knew you <br />I have been changed for good <br /><br />It well may be <br />That we will never meet again <br />In this lifetime <br />So let me say before we part <br />So much of me <br />Is made of what I learned from you <br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">You'll be with me <br />Like a handprint on my heart <br />And now whatever way our stories end <br />I know you have re-written mine <br />By being my friend... </span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Like a ship blown from its mooring <br />By a wind off the sea </span><br />Like a seed dropped by a skybird <br />In a distant wood <br />Who can say if I've been changed for the better? <br />But because I knew you <br /><br />I have been changed for good"</span></span></div><div><br /></div></div>A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-318670095771343062009-05-25T05:41:00.000-07:002009-05-25T05:53:26.573-07:00Well...I'm back.I thought I'd post something...it's been so long hehe.<br /><br />I've gone through so much in the past couple months that I'm not going to try and re-cap things, but know...I got out of school with good grades thanks to the grace of God :-)<br /><br />I've decided to stop running away from God...to stop...hiding from what He wants to say to me and do in my life. I've let my own self pull me away from God and I can't have that anymore. I need Him now more than ever and...I want to trust Him...I do...I just...its...difficult for me to simply let go and let Him lead. I don't know what to do from day to day about stuff. One day I'm fine and the next day I'm back down again. I know this will fade in time but I'm sick of it. But...I'm not losing hope. I do know as soon as I let Him, God will romance my soul and will lead me back to Him.<br /><br />Trust.<br />It's a big issue with me. I didn't realize that until...well until I had someone in my life that I really needed to trust more than anyone else before. I realized just how painful trust is for me...and especially how little I really do *trust* people...and even God. That was an awakening realization. I thought I trusted God...and I did...but I always figured that what I trusted Him about would work out the way I thought it would...and when it didn't...instead of thanking Him and accepting the blessing, I immeditally thought it was a trap and that He wanted me out of the situation and so I ran from Him. Now...I want to stop running...but hehe it's hard to just sit and wait.<br /><br />I'm not a patient person...as anyone who knows me will tell you, but I think I'm supposed to be learning trust...and patience through this. Fun. haha :-)<br /><br />Anyway, that's all for now. I've been having the feeling that I want to draw for a couple days now so I'm going to go sketch something. Not sure what...but...maybe if I like it enough I'll scan it on here. We will see.<br /><br />Oh, and Happy Memorial Day!A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-48595302045520684202009-03-24T17:16:00.000-07:002009-03-24T17:46:18.614-07:00What Can I Say?So...<br />long time no write eh? Things have been pretty insane lately. The show I'm the assisstent director for just opened last weekend. The cast did a wonderful job! I was so proud of them :-)<br />We have two more shows this weekend and then we are DONE! I've been working on this show every week since I got back from Christmas Break and while it has been fun I will be glad when I've got more free time....which will be spent doing...school...yeah...not so fun but oh well.<br /><br />Yeah without going into too much, my life has been pretty crazy as of late. I'm still very confused. I know I have to make a decision about something...no one can make it for me and when it comes right down to it, no one can really help. Growing up is kinda alarming at times. I'd love prayer for this if any of you get a chance. :-)<br />Since...although I am a writer I have a hard time expressing how I feel in plain words a lot of the time so here are some lyrics.<br /><br />Sometimes I think I know what the right answer should be:<br /><em>"The path that I'm walking</em><br /><em>I must go alone</em><br /><em>I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown</em><br /><em>Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they</em><br /><em>And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay..."</em><br /><em></em><br />Of course then there are other times when:<br />"<em>How could I face the faceless days</em><br /><em>If I should lose you now?</em><br /><em>We’re so close</em><br /><em>To reaching that famous happy ending</em><br /><em>Amost believing this was not pretend</em><br /><em>Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are</em><br /><em>So close</em>"<br /><br />and then there are times when:<br /><em>"Now my heart is music, such a simple song</em><br /><em>Sing it again the notes never end this is where I belong"</em><br /><em></em><br />I know God has a plan. I'm just not sure what that plan is as of now.<br />I'm starting to get that feeling that comes up sometimes. I get this churning in my stomach...like this...feeling that I know what I *should* do or *ought* to do but...I have no idea. Like...for instance, I struggle sometimes about whether or not God wants me to be a missionary overseas full time. I have a passion for the arts, and a passion for literature...I don't really have a passion for missions but maybe I'm just supposed to be over there...all alone in a foreign country...working and shunning traditional life. I don't *want* to do that, but I feel like I should...or that is what God wants me to do...and then other times I feel like I'm supposed to stay in America and live a more traditional life...well...traditional in the sense that I get married have kids and work as a writer/actress/agent or editor. That's what I *want* to do. That's what I'd like to do but that doesn't seem right somehow. I dunno if I'm just feeling guilty and I figure if God wanted me to do that sort of thing He would let me know in no uncertain terms like...giving me a passion for it. I mean I know sometimes God calls us to get out of our comfort zone and to denounce the world and such but I don't know if that's for me or not. I'd love to be able to say "yes I'll do that" but I...I...I dunno. I just don't know. You'd think I'd have some interest in full time missions if I was supposed to do that...and you'd think I'd be pretty dang set on celibicy if I was supposed to do that...but what if...I've thought all this stuff my whole life and then now God wants me to just drop everything I love and everything I want to do something I don't love but that I should do or that I'd grow to love eventually.<br />As you can see I'm pretty pathetic when it comes to hashing all of this stuff out. Generally, I don't feel the call to full time missions...its just when everything else blows up and gets stressful then I start thinking and thinking and thinking about it again and again. I guess that should tell me something eh?<br />I mean...on the one hand I could have let fear stifle my passion for missions...but...I don't really think that's the case.<br />I need to do school and stop hashing this out over and over in my head.<br />If you read this long...you get a gold star.<br />The End!A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-78175099015764616092009-02-25T07:08:00.000-08:002009-02-25T07:28:24.688-08:00These Dreams Inside<u></u><br /><div align="center"><u><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:180%;color:#990000;">Dare to HOPE!</span></u></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRywUKLqI5OrXEJqOhcW0MvBLt09jiXKkO2EWRUl2k2TQJF6Nz7XjIWgYYmaDD-xpRQShhYoEGQiOm7pMuj116OvqxVLAq5u7Gfy47bY99uNm_oPc4DihWO6ICgvMPeWa0WP8Ywfz9tB98/s1600-h/ImageDaretoHope.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5306756183412491266" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRywUKLqI5OrXEJqOhcW0MvBLt09jiXKkO2EWRUl2k2TQJF6Nz7XjIWgYYmaDD-xpRQShhYoEGQiOm7pMuj116OvqxVLAq5u7Gfy47bY99uNm_oPc4DihWO6ICgvMPeWa0WP8Ywfz9tB98/s320/ImageDaretoHope.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />I was re-reading some of my older posts from March last year and...I have to say I feel like I'm in kinda the same position that I was then only in a completely different way.<br /><div><div></div><div> </div><div>I've become far too dependent on other aspects of my life besides Christ.</div><br /><div>I've come to expect that my days will be hard...that school will stress me out...that if I need to I can whine to someone about all of these things. I don't remember the last time I woke up and was thinking "God can make this a good day, and even if it doesn't go well...then HE will be my portion." </div><br /><div></div><div>I hate that. I wish I could both be close to humans AND God at the same time. I want to be able to depend on others but ultimately depend on God to fill me up and to sustain me. </div><br /><br /><div>I'm not sure I've found that balance yet and I hate that because...I mean...I feel like I'm retreating into myself again because I'm afraid of what God would tell me to do if I ran after Him. I'd love to run after Him...LOVE to fall into His arms and let Him chase the darkness away. I feel like I'm grabbing so tightly to my fears and my thoughts and my hopes...my dreams to release them to God. </div><br /><div></div><div>I *know* He has my best interest at heart and if I *do* need to give up something or be broken or whatever then He will give me the strength to be joyful in that situation. </div><br /><div>I haven't been extremely close with God since last summer and I *hate* that. This year hasn't been that great as far as my walk with my Savior Jesus. I feel like it has been an extreme dry phase and I'm not sure that it should go on this long. </div><br /><div>I'm scared frankly. I'm scared of myself...I'm scared of what God wants to do...I'm scared of my own stupid paranoia. </div><div></div><br /><div>I had some encouragment today when I was reading my Bible. Psalm 73:26</div><br /><div>"My flesh and my heart may fail, but GOD is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."</div><div></div><br /><div>That verse exactly sums up how I feel about myself. My flesh and my heart have failed me...and I just pray I can let God *be* my strength and my portion. </div><br /><div></div><div>I'm tired of being afraid. </div><div>Just...so tired. </div><div></div><div>I know God has awesome plans for my life and I want to follow what Jesus has in store...</div><br /><div></div><div><em>"This time <strong>I won't run away</strong></em></div><div><em><strong>I found the strength</strong> to face life's long days</em></div><div><em>This time I won't run away...</em></div><br /><div><em></em></div><div><em>More than it seems <strong>these dreams inside</strong> (show me the way to these dreams) </em></div><div><em><strong>Blur reality's line</strong> ('til there's nothing that's left of me) </em></div><div><em>If I could believe the dreams aside (show me the way to these dreams) </em></div><div><em><strong>I am capable more than it seems</strong></em></div><br /><div><em></em></div><div><em><strong>'Til there's nothing left of me</strong></em></div><div><em><strong>Show me the way to these dreams"</strong></em></div><div>-- Kutless: More Than It Seems</div><div></div><div> </div></div>A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-15495979273905465402009-02-15T20:30:00.001-08:002009-02-15T21:06:36.143-08:00Do you think I'm beautiful?So...I'm a day late in writing something for v-day...but I figure better late than never. I'm kinda proud of this hehe I haven't really written anything 'romantic' in a while so yeah...it was nice to get back into the groove. :-) Yeah if you're not feeling particularly cordial to romance at the moment I'd suggest skipping this blog...if not...read on...I might use this scene in a story I'm working on but I'm not sure where exactly it'd fit. Right now it is an after v-day scene that wanted to be written.<br />*******************************************************************************<br />Friendship --<br /><br />She sat there trying to concentrate on the words in front of her but the pent up tears in her eyes kept the words a continual blur. She wasn't sure how long she could hold back what she didn't want him to see. Quickly she got up and left the room, taking her book with her as protection from the question in his eyes. She went to her quiet spot the place all her own. She sat huddled on the familiar old sofa and clung to a green throw pillow while her tears spilled out of their confinement. Her breath came in ragged gasps as the sobs wracked her body.<br />She tried to subdue her tears by focusing again on her book but that only helped for a few moments. Again the frustration, confusion, anxiety and helplessness surrounded her...taunting her just reached emotional balance. The second wave of tears began. She wished there was someone to hold her but she was alone. The memories of years past...countless times being in the exact room...her tears falling freely and no one there to dry them...crashed into her memory as another sob escaped her lips.<br />She heard a noise and looked up to see him standing in the doorway a look of confusion and concern mixing in his gaze. He walked over and sat beside her and asked to know the problem. She shook her head. She couldn't tell him...couldn't express the emotions she didn't understand herself.<br />He'd never seen her cry before and his eyes clouded with an unreadable expression as he sat with her and watched as the tears kept falling. He tried again to get her to talk to him. There was a slight pause as she tried to focus on her book instead of him. Finally, she was able to speak.<br /><br />"I'm so tired." she whispered.<br />"I know" he replied.<br /><br />"I'm sick of this..." she sniffed. "Why can't all this just go away." The tears were back again accompanied by the violent sobs. He took the book from her hands and wrapped his arms around her, his head resting on hers. She hugged him back, drawing strength from his calming presence.<br />"Thank you" she said quietly.<br />"For what?" he asked.<br />"Just holding me..."<br />He pulled out of the hug for a moment and looked into her tear-stained face. "My pleasure" he whispered and gently kissed her forehead.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-1890842845461310402009-02-10T20:57:00.000-08:002009-02-10T21:04:40.029-08:00Remembering You...So...I know that literally I'm in 'winter' right now physically but I also feel like I'm in an emotional and spiritual winter also. I'm not sure how long I will be here but I found this song by Steven Curtis Chapman and it really encouraged me:<br /><br />I found You in the most unlikely way<br />But really it was You who found me<br />And I found myself in the gifts that You gave<br />You gave me so much and I<br />I wish You could stay<br /><br />but I'll, I'll wait for the day<br /><br />Chorus<br />And I watch as the cold winter melts into spring<br />And I'll be remembering You<br />Oh and I'll smell the flowers and hear the birds sing and I'll be remembering You,<br />I'll be remembering You<br /><br /> From the first moment when I heard Your name<br />Something in my heart came alive<br />You showed me love and no words could explain<br />A love with the power to<br />Open the door<br />To a world I was made for<br /><br />(Chorus again)<br /><br />The dark night, the hard fight<br />The long climb up the hill knowing the cost<br />The brave death, the last breathe<br />The silence whispering all hope was lost<br />The thunder, the wonder<br />A power that brings the dead back to life<br /><br />I wish You could stay<br />But I'll wait for the day<br />And though You've gone away<br />You come back and...<br /><br />(Chorus)<br /><br />And I'll watch as the sun fills a sky that was dark<br />And I'll be remembering You<br />And I'll think of the way that You fill up my heart<br />And I'll be remembering You...<br /><br /><br />***<br />I'll be remembering...A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-5333802746244119962009-02-04T19:29:00.000-08:002009-02-04T21:03:38.280-08:00Restless Creative Urge<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWR_8dLPGfGfpbZ3dNbWeO2qQPf9HwUU4eNsRW5abOME6-NwYmTSWBs1wZzhxZqkMOqAUJqRXpcThX0h0D8S3OX-1iWSu_s-GldYUg5Y0k3HNPmvU6dQcJwdTN_qmUI2JD8X3S_KB7gWon/s1600-h/Distortion.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5299174448696175458" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 239px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWR_8dLPGfGfpbZ3dNbWeO2qQPf9HwUU4eNsRW5abOME6-NwYmTSWBs1wZzhxZqkMOqAUJqRXpcThX0h0D8S3OX-1iWSu_s-GldYUg5Y0k3HNPmvU6dQcJwdTN_qmUI2JD8X3S_KB7gWon/s320/Distortion.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><p>Something I made today:</p><br /><p><br /></p><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div></div>A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-59867392983137140962009-01-31T11:30:00.000-08:002009-01-31T11:59:57.540-08:00Apathy and Amazing GraceThere's too much mulling around inside my head right now to write a 'train of thought' blog. Its a combination of three things: the movie Amazing Grace, Lamentations 3 and James' latest blog post. If you haven't seen or read any of these then this might be a little hard to follow. Maybe not...<br /><br /><em>Amazing Grace how sweet the sound </em><br /><em>That saved a wretch like me...</em><br /><strong>"It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."</strong><br />How could I have let my profound gratitude slip into self gratification.<br /><br /><em>I once was lost but now I'm found</em><br /><em>Was blind but now I see...</em><br /><strong>"He has driven and brought me into darkness without any light...</strong><br /><strong>But this I call to mind and therefore I have hope; the steadfast love of the LORD never ceases."</strong><br />I've forgotten the power of Your love my Lord my God. I have forgotten my blind struggle and have settled into the stagnate comfort of the midday sun.<br /><br /><em>Twas Grace that taught my heart to fear,</em><br /><em>And Grace my fears relieved...</em><br /><strong>"It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth. Let him sit alone in silence when it is laid on him...For the Lord with not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love."</strong><br />I fear the wrong things in life Lord Jesus. I fear for myself and my position. I fear for my hopes and dreams. I fear for my own self comfort, while others are bearing the yoke...aching for the salvation of God and not knowing how that comes. My heart aches for them but my mind holds me back. My fear holds me back. Let grace my fears relieve...don't let me forget that grace.<br /><br /><div align="center">***</div><div align="left">Okay. That is the only way I could get some of that out. Now I will go into more detail. I feel like God is calling me to something. Something greater than I could imagine. I'm not sure what it is, and I'm not sure what to believe at the moment, but one thing I do know is that I'm sick and tired of being apathetic. I'm an artist...and for the past...four years I've been studying about other artists...learning my craft...doing what I thought God was calling me to...only to be struck with doubt. I think my thing is that...I'm learning about the suffering people, the broken people of the artist community but do I do anything about them? No. I only learn and feel a few moments of heartache. Even now, I feel like this post is somewhat superficial because...am I actually <strong><em>doing</em></strong> anything? I'm talking about how I don't want to just talk anymore. Yeesh. </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">There is an upside to this, however; and that is the movie Amazing Grace. In the movie William Wilberforce found God. He was a politician and did not know how to reconcile his politics with his faith. He went to his old pastor, John Newton, the man who wrote the hymn, Amazing Grace. Wilberforce didn't get very far when John told him that he was NOT meant for a life of solitude. That people wouldn't let him be. Wilberforce went on to become one of the most influential politicians in England...eventually getting a bill passed for the abolition of slavery in Britain. </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">Every time I watch that movie I get something new out of it...guess that is one of the marks of a good movie eh?</div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">He was able to combine politics and faith in an extraordinary way. I feel like God is calling me to something larger than I know with my art. That fact...frankly terrifies me. I don't know how to handle it...</div><div align="left">That combined with...well frankly my decline of passion...has got me in a real...interesting...situation. </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">I don't want to be apathetic to the world around me.</div><div align="left">I don't want to forget the amazingly incredible work of Jesus for humanity.</div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"><em>Jesus, please don't let me sink into apathy. Lord, you know I'm scared but You also know I want to serve you. Jesus, please light the fire in my heart again for You and Your purpose.</em></div><div align="left"><em></em> </div><div align="left">Amazing Grace how sweet the sound</div><div align="left">That saved a wretch like me. </div><strong></strong><br /><strong>~</strong>Alysha<br /><em></em><br /><br /><strong></strong>A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-69556214496950508502009-01-30T11:41:00.000-08:002009-01-30T12:22:35.605-08:00Survey: Read to the end...there's a story1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?<br />Yes, my middle name. I was named after my great-grandma.<br /><br />2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?<br />I think...hmm...a few days ago...<br /><br />3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?<br />Eh. At times...<br /><br />4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?<br />I'm not a big meat fan, but I'd have to say turkey<br /><br />5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?<br />Nope<br /><br />6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?<br />I hope so...<br /><br />7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?<br />Well, um...lets see...um...yes.<br /><br />8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?<br />Yes, yes I do.<br /><br />9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?<br />Eh...maybe...I'd rather skydive.<br /><br />10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">hmmm</span> Granola.<br /><br />11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?<br />Nope<br /><br />12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Butter Pecan, cinnamon swirl<br /><br />13. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Smiles/Eyes<br /><br />14. RED OR PINK?<br />Depends on my mood. I like them both<br />15. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?<br />Legs<br />16. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?<br />Well gosh...um...lets see...I miss lots of people a lot.<br />17. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?<br />Nah...only a couple if they want to but I doubt anyone will.<br />18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Pants = Blue. No shoes.<br />19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Stefanie talking to me.<br />20. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Well, I'm not sure. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Stef</span> says I'd be purple...or green. I say either those or a happy yellow.<br />21. FAVORITE SMELLS? Pumpkin, Vanilla, I like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">citris</span>...freshly baked bread...flowers...green apple...dove soap...guy cologne...my perfume...popcorn...pizza...basically I just love smells. :-)<br />22. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My Dad<br />23. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Basketball, tennis, hockey...volleyball...soccer...<br />24. HAIR COLOR? brown with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">blonde</span> highlights<br />25. EYE COLOR? Well it depends on the day. Stefanie says 'fantasy' and I like that so we'll go with it.<br />26. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nada<br />27. FAVORITE FOOD? Pancakes<br />28. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?happy endings<br />29. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Inkheart</span><br />30. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Purple<br />31. SUMMER OR WINTER?? Summer for the no school...Winter for the weather<br />32. HUGS OR KISSES? I like both<br />33. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? No one<br />34. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Everyone<br />35. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING RIGHT NOW? Um...Wild At Heart, Walking with God, HP 5, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Graceling</span>...<br />36. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Don't have one<br />37. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Don't have <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">tv</span> at school<br />38. FAVORITE SOUND(S)? Not sure. I like music...I like the sound of my cat purring...<br />39. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? I like some of both<br />40. WHAT’S THE FARTHEST YOU’<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">VE</span> BEEN FROM HOME? Croatia, London, Germany<br />41. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Writing<br />42. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?Atlanta<br />43. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? I will be surprised if anyone does this<br />44. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?<br />Well let's see...one day, during my time as a closet world traveler... whilst I was in a hot air balloon...the wind picked up rather suddenly. I floated aimlessly until I saw that the balloon was losing altitude and heading straight for a mass of rather pointy branches. I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">didnt</span> know what to do, there wasn't really anything I could do. Well, yes the inevitable happened because really what else could in a story like this. My hot air balloon got caught in the branches...and I was left there wondering if I should climb down or not. It was getting pretty dark and I began to see some rather <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">unpleasant</span> wildlife wandering below...then out of nowhere...I heard a voice say "Need any help?"<br />I looked down...and there...looking <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">resplendent</span>...was...<br />Mrs. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Kandervian</span>. A wealthy woman of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">prominence</span> in the area. She signaled for her hunting party to come and some of the men helped me down. She then decided I was in need of matchmaking and decided to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">whisk</span> me away to her estate for a ball she was giving.<br />I can't remember much about the ball except that I was wearing a gorgeous <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Burgundy</span> dress that swished when I walked. All I know is that when I got downstairs...there wasn't one man under the age of 65. I gulped and made a decision that I was going to get out of there as soon as possible, but there was no way out. I danced and talked and laughed and tried to plot my escape...<br />One of the servants took pity on my plight and let me out through a hole in the wall. Thankfully it was summer so I wasn't freezing in that dress. I was able to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">hot wire</span> a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">motorbike</span> (Mrs. K was very eccentric in her collection of gas powered devices) and drive to the nearest town where i sold the dress and jewelry, bought new clothes...and an airplane ticket back to the states. I realized that I was going to be late for my first day of my new classes so I booked it to the school...I walked in...sat down and was promptly introduced to a guitar playing, writer with blue eyes and a fond attachment to his <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Fedora</span>. We became fast friends and...well since I'm not one to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">prolong</span> stories or anything...*snort* the rest is history. And that my dear children is how I met my 'significant other.'A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-33090933457172019932009-01-26T14:31:00.000-08:002009-01-26T14:51:58.956-08:00Quirky<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Hola</span> my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">loverly</span> readers!<br /><br />Let's see...today's topic is...well...to be frankly honest I'm not sure what the topic of this post should be, but I feel the need to tell you that while I was typing i heard the unmistakable sounds of a male voice bellowing at the top of his lungs..." we all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine..."<br />Now, this might be a good time to point out that I am on the fifth floor and this lovely rendition to that timeless song was heard from behind closed windows...five stories into the air. I'm not sure whether to comment on the capacity of his lungs or the thinness of our walls...it is a predicament.<br /><br />Thin walls and loud voices aside...hmm...thin walls and loud voices...sounds like a good title for a poem. I'm just in the kind of mood to write a poem actually...so I think I will. You can stop reading now if you want but I gotta tell you, if you do you'll be missing out...*cheeky grin*<br /><br />Ahem:<br /><br /><em>Thin Walls and Loud Voices:</em><br />A quiet afternoon<br />The sun shining through the windows<br />The only sound is the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">clickty</span> clack of my fingers across the keyboard.<br />I am just about to share my brilliance with the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">cyber</span> world when from below...<br />A voice rings out and shatters my concentration. Something between yelling and singing the voice snatches up my cohesive thoughts and runs away with them to some little villa in the south of France.<br />Now I am left without my ability to remember what life shattering words I was going to type and the poor fellow below my window is left without his ability to charm the blue jays back from their winter <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">sabbatical</span>.<br />I suppose my thoughts are having fun.<br />Perhaps his voice decided to take them on a hot air <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">balloon</span> ride.<br />Maybe they are drifting by a famous work of art.<br />I hope they bring me back something.<br />I also hope that the voice returns to its owner.<br />You can't trust thoughts with voices...especially if they are from two different individuals. I mean, when thought and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">speech</span> combine...<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">strange</span> things begin to happen. Ideas are born...and not only that...they are expressed.<br />Such is the world we live in.<br />A world where voice and thought can run rampant<br />And Idea is held as King.<br />Now if I could only remember why I started this in the first place...<br />Oh yes...<br />It all began with that yellow submarine.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-41500142645110445442009-01-18T14:41:00.000-08:002009-01-18T14:57:14.163-08:00Heart issuesI've been here a week and already things are speeding up to a frenzy. I don't mind really...I felt like I needed to let out some thoughts/fears and well...as not many people read this anyway...this is mostly just for me. If you want to keep going, please do, but know that this will be kinda 'train of thought' and might not make sense at times.<br /><br />I'm afraid.<br />I'm afraid of what could happen if I let myself go.<br />If I actually started living...really living...fully devoted to Christ and embracing the talents He gave me and actually taking hold of the confidence found in Him, I'd be dangerous. I mean, lets face it. I come down on myself pretty hard. Being of an 'artistic' personality, I'm constantly looking for affirmation from outside sources. Sometimes I ache for someone to tell me that I can do something or just even re-hash my 'good' points or qualities. I constantly compare myself to other people and then wonder why I can't be happy with myself. I'm afraid of what I'd find 'under the hood' of my self-conscience. I'm afraid of what God would ask me to do. I know He has great plans for my life and I just...well part of me is frightened to let Him have all MY ideas about life.<br />I have plans...plans for a nice life...but God didn't call His people to a 'nice' existence and that terrifies me sometimes. I want to live for Christ...its...I dunno...its so...awesome...this life of passion for God...that its intimidating to me to be honest.<br />It all comes down to the issue of trust. I find it hard to trust people. I'm not sure when all of this started but I think it stems from the fact that I've always wanted/needed approval and a lot of times I didn't feel like I got the re-assurance that i needed...and therefore have spent my life trying to reach that point where I no longer have to strive for something that seems impossible to reach.<br /><br />I've been doing some 'searching' through the inner corners of my mind...and I've been discovering some deep seeded wounds there...accompanied by some things I just have to accept about myself.<br /><br />One thing is that...like all females I've always wanted to be the Beauty...but as it often happens life has swept in and made me believe that I couldn't be that. God is showing me that I can...and am supposed to but its very hard to accept. I don't see myself in that light and I'm not sure how to go about living in that.<br /><br />I lash out at people I care about. I do. I love arguments...I know when I can push someone and when I can't and I push. That's not right...and its selfish. I mean...okay, I don't think I'll ever not 'argue' or 'banter' or use wit/sarcasm but I do need to work on not arguing for the sake of the argument. I'm realizing how much that can hurt relationships.<br /><br />I...need to give up my 'I have to be in control' attitude about things. I cling tightly onto what I think should happen and when it doesn't I sink back into myself. I've gone so far in that its taken quite <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">awhile</span> to even see a speck of sun.<br /><br />Also...I have an issue with holding too tightly onto some things. That has to stop. Its driving a wedge between me and God and I won't <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">accept</span> that for how I live life.<br /><br />Okay...I've about <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">exhausted</span> myself at the moment emotionally. If you got this far in reading...please pray that I'll allow God to continue to shape me...and not hold onto my former self.<br /><br />Thanks,<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Alysha</span>A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-21166837921724929742009-01-12T15:02:00.000-08:002009-01-12T21:13:59.234-08:00What is this feeling...Been silent for far too long haven't I?<br /><br />Well, Christmas break came and went. I had my best semester yet grade wise so that was fun although I'd love it if I didn't emotionally wear myself out to get to that point.<br />Classes start tomorrow for the spring semester, and I must say I'm less than <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">enthusiastic</span> to be here. I'd much rather be home...but...I'm not so I've got to make the best of this semester and keep pushing along the path God has me walking down.<br /><br />So much is flying through my head right now. I was doing so much better emotionally...but I'm feeling like I'm falling again, and I know it is the enemy trying to steal my joy. I won't let that happen. I fell away from the peace of my God for too long and I'm fighting now to again rest in Jesus.<br /><br />I've actually got high hopes for this semester...none of my classes look like they're going to be extremely challenging...just LOTS of work. I'm taking 18 credit hours...my heaviest load yet here. After this semester though I only need to take like 15 both semesters of my senior year to graduate so that's fun. I let myself get lost in all of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">life's</span> distractions last semester and I suffered from that emotionally...<br /><br />Anyway, another semester is upon me whether I like it or not <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">hehe</span>...so it's better to go in with a positive attitude.<br /><br />This is a learning experience...no pun intended.A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-22512728071858050592008-12-02T07:10:00.000-08:002008-12-02T07:22:35.668-08:00Prayers and PraisesHallo!<br /><br />Okay...so time for a 'semi-update'<br /><br />I just got back from Thanksgiving break and it was <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">soooo</span> much fun...too short but so much fun. I got to see lots of people, and yes...I even did some shopping.<br />On Thanksgiving, my Grandma decided to give me my birthday present early which was....the COMPLETE set of Harry Potter (British versions). *bounces around* I'm so excited. The cover art on the books is gorgeous! (Yes, I'm a nerd...and I'm okay with that).<br /><br />It's back to the 'grindstone' for now. Two and a half weeks and I'm DONE with the semester. It doesn't really seem like it'll get here, but I know God will see me through.<br />Let's see, update on academics:<br />I'm doing pretty well in the majority of my classes. I just got my grade up to this point in my Modern and Contemporary Drama class and I've got a 95 average. *grin* I still have a big presentation and a final to go in that class so...can't slack off.<br />Um, I think I've got either a high B or an A in most of my other classes also, so that's fun. It's been a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">streeeeessssssful</span> semester, but it's almost done.<br /><br />This week in the life:<br />I've got my presentation on Thursday<br />Also on Th. I'm starting my job as a tutor for two kids, a fifth grader needing help in English and a sixth grader needing help in Math. (yeah yeah...I know, me a math tutor...please save the snickers...)<br />Um, I have a meeting on Wednesday for another job I'm doing...it's a one weekend acting job which should be pretty fun.<br />Friday...nothing too exciting<br />Saturday is my roommate's sister's wedding plus Madrigals! I'll be dressed up the entire day <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">haha</span>.<br />Sunday...again nothing to exciting.<br /><br />Classes end next Wednesday and then comes reading days...cleaning day...job(s)...finals...and then HOME! My birthday is also coming up soon...fifteen days to be exact. :-)<br /><br />Okay, now on to the prayer requests:<br />1. I'm really tired of school and I need that extra push in order to do well in these last couple weeks.<br />2. My neck has been hurting for about three weeks now, and I've been to the chiropractor but that didn't help much so...those who know me, know I'm SUCH a worrier about stuff like this, and my mind is racing with different things that could be wrong with me, and that's NO way to live so if you would just please pray that I give all the worry up to God and not dwell on this <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">that'd</span> be awesome. :-)<br /><br />That's about all I suppose. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day!<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Alysha</span>A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2761497796579010112.post-57419363439609702442008-11-11T22:08:00.000-08:002008-11-11T22:15:35.751-08:00StardustSo I discovered this song and I fell in love with it. No, it doesn't describe my mood or anything but...the lyrics are so beautiful I couldn't resist. :-)<br /><br /><em>"And now the purple dusk of twilight time</em><br /><em>Steals across the meadows of my heart</em><br /><em>High up in the sky the little stars climb</em><br /><em>Always reminding me that were apart</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>You wander down the lane and far away</em><br /><em>Leaving me a song that will not die</em><br /><em>Love is now the stardust of yesterday</em><br /><em>The music of the years gone by</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Sometimes I wonder why I spend</em><br /><em>The lonely night dreaming of a song</em><br /><em>The melody haunts my reverie</em><br /><em>And I am once again with you</em><br /><em>When our love was new</em><br /><em>And each kiss an inspiration</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>But that was long ago</em><br /><em>Now my consolation</em><br /><em>Is in the stardust of a song</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Beside a garden wall</em><br /><em>When stars are bright</em><br /><em>You are in my arms</em><br /><em>The nightingale tells his fairy tale</em><br /><em>A paradise where roses bloom</em><br /><em>Though I dream in vain</em><br /><em>In my heart it will remain</em><br /><em>My stardust melody</em><br /><em>The memory of loves refrain"</em><br /><em></em><br />Yeah...I really like that song now...<br />Anyway, real update later. :-)A.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15115199557694310344noreply@blogger.com0