Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Standing On The Edge

It's pretty insane how things change so quickly.

This past summer has been the source of joy, pain, of giving, taking, losing, gaining...

Life is crazy, mixed up and so unpredictable. Right now, I'm torn whether to laugh or cry because of that realization. I cannot control things. I cannot know the future, I don't know if the way my life is today will be the same until tomorrow. Our lives are fragile, that is what I learned this summer.

"I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow, a vapor in the wind, still You hear me when I'm calling. Lord You catch me when I'm falling and You told me who I am...
I am Yours."

I feel the call to let go and free fall into life. I can feel the tugging of my heartstrings towards the adventure of living. I cannot ignore this, and yet fear has me bound to comfort, to security.
My Jesus can break these chains, He hold the key. All I have to do is say the word and I'm free but I am a selfish person. I am afraid. I am unsure of the future...I do not want to fail miserably. I want to make the right decisions, I want to live the "right" way.
This could be my downfall.
I will not let fear overtake me.
I cannot be okay with being "comfortable."
I will NOT be settled into a corner with the sheets over my head.

I see through a faded glass. I know true beauty, true life waits...I catch glimpses of it in others...a flicker of invisible gold radiating in the smiles of those who have been set free.
I long for that
I ache for that
I hate being captured in a prison of my own making.

I don't want to hold back
I want to know, and be known.
I want to take a chance, a gamble
I want to experience the deep joy
And the wrenching pain that life entails

I am afraid
But I am not crippled by fear

I will not let my fears ruin what God has brought to me. I am ready to fight...

set me free.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Ah Ha!

So I'm sure if I'm totally out of the 'slump' for writing, but I did start on something the other day...and I kinda like it so far. Well, I like my main character so far, not really sure what to do with him yet, but...hopefully I'll think of something. He deserves a cool story.


This week is the week for appointments. I've got to see an MD this morning about my back, then going to get my hair done this afternoon, then on Friday morning I've got to see the chiropractor, again, about my back lol. Should be interesting.

I leave a week from today. I have a mix of emotions like always. I do want to get back into a routine, have a schedule and all that jazz. Yeah I'm a nerd, but at least I'm proud in my nerdiness. On the flip side, it's always hard for me to leave, especially after summer break.
Ah well...such is the life of a college student hehe.

I think that's about all for now.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Disgruntled writer in search of something to bring her out of ordinary characters please.

Note to self, next time don't name a blog "Writer's Block" it'll rub off.

I've been in a slump lately for writing. I did my Terebinth project and it's been kinda downhill since then. I get in these every now and again, and usually something pretty cool or very silly comes out of it when I finally drag myself out of the "I can't think" wallow.

Well, I'm starting to come out of the slump I believe... and the result is, I hope a combination of the very silly and the pretty cool. It kinda hit me the other day as I was driving...

Anyway, I might post some of the results of my 'getting out of slump' on here. We'll see.

That's about all for now.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Poetry Time!

This is one of my favorite poems. Don't ask me why because I honestly don't know. I read it in Heritage during my junior year I believe and it has stuck with me ever since.


Miniver Cheevy
By: Edwin Arlington Robinson

Miniver Cheevy, child of scorn,
Grew lean while he assailed the seasons
He wept that he was ever born,
And he had reasons.

Miniver loved the days of old
When swords were bright and steeds were prancing;
The vision of a warrior bold
Would send him dancing.

Miniver sighed for what was not,
And dreamed, and rested from his labors;
He dreamed of Thebes and Camelot,
And Priam's neighbors.

Miniver mourned the ripe renown
That made so many a name so fragrant;
He mourned Romance, now on the town,
And Art, a vagrant.

Miniver loved the Medici,
Albeit he had never seen one;
He would have sinned incessantly
Could he have been one.

Miniver cursed the commonplace
And eyed a khaki suit with loathing:
He missed the medieval grace
Of iron clothing.

Miniver scorned the gold he sought,
But sore annoyed was he without it;
Miniver thought, and thought, and thought,
And thought about it.

Miniver Cheevy, born too late,
Scratched his head and kept on thinking;
Miniver coughed, and called it fate,
And kept on drinking.

Like I said, no idea why I like that so much.
Ah well...maybe next blog I'll post something I've written...maybe...hehe

Monday, August 11, 2008

Music and Lyrics

No I'm not going to talk about the movie, and no I'm not going to get into instrumental music verses lyrical music, but I was thinking today just how potent music can be. I mean, the English major in me will never get over the fact that I believe books can draw people together in an amazing way, but there is no denying that special something in music that can strike something deep in the human soul.

It's incredible really. Music is such a large part of our culture, that sometimes I think we take it for granted. It's always playing, it's always there, people constantly have songs stuck in their heads etc. I mean for crying out loud, about every other blog I post has lyrics of some sort in them hehe.

I heard a song yesterday that I hadn't heard in a few months and I realized how revelant it was to me earlier this summer and how God had used that period to make me grow. It was cool to be able to look back over the past couple months and see some of what He was up to in my life without my knowledge.

That's about all I wanted to say...but true to fashion I am going to leave you with some lyrics to ponder:

I’ve been hearing voices
Telling me that I could
Never be what I wanna be.
They’re binding me with lies,
Haunting me at night,
And saying there’s nothing to believe.
Somewhere in the quietness,
When I’m overcome with loneliness,
I hear You call my name.
And like a father
You are near
And as I listen I can hear You say

You are a child of mine
Born of my own design
And you bear the heart of life
No matter where you go
Oh you will always know
You have been made free in Christ.
You are a child of Mine.

And so I listen as You tell me who I am
And who it is I’m gonna be.
And I hang on every word,
Knowing I have heard
I am Yours and I am free
But when I am alone at night
That is when I hear the lie
You’ll never be enough
And though I’m giving into fear
If I listen I can hear You say:

You are a child of mine
Born of my own design
And you bear the heart of life
No matter where you go
Oh you will always know
You have been made free in Christ

You are a child of mine