Apathy and Amazing Grace

There's too much mulling around inside my head right now to write a 'train of thought' blog. Its a combination of three things: the movie Amazing Grace, Lamentations 3 and James' latest blog post. If you haven't seen or read any of these then this might be a little hard to follow. Maybe not...

Amazing Grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me...
"It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."
How could I have let my profound gratitude slip into self gratification.

I once was lost but now I'm found
Was blind but now I see...
"He has driven and brought me into darkness without any light...
But this I call to mind and therefore I have hope; the steadfast love of the LORD never ceases."
I've forgotten the power of Your love my Lord my God. I have forgotten my blind struggle and have settled into the stagnate comfort of the midday sun.

Twas Grace that taught my heart to fear,
And Grace my fears relieved...
"It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth. Let him sit alone in silence when it is laid on him...For the Lord with not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love."
I fear the wrong things in life Lord Jesus. I fear for myself and my position. I fear for my hopes and dreams. I fear for my own self comfort, while others are bearing the yoke...aching for the salvation of God and not knowing how that comes. My heart aches for them but my mind holds me back. My fear holds me back. Let grace my fears relieve...don't let me forget that grace.

***

Okay. That is the only way I could get some of that out. Now I will go into more detail. I feel like God is calling me to something. Something greater than I could imagine. I'm not sure what it is, and I'm not sure what to believe at the moment, but one thing I do know is that I'm sick and tired of being apathetic. I'm an artist...and for the past...four years I've been studying about other artists...learning my craft...doing what I thought God was calling me to...only to be struck with doubt. I think my thing is that...I'm learning about the suffering people, the broken people of the artist community but do I do anything about them? No. I only learn and feel a few moments of heartache. Even now, I feel like this post is somewhat superficial because...am I actually doing anything? I'm talking about how I don't want to just talk anymore. Yeesh.

There is an upside to this, however; and that is the movie Amazing Grace. In the movie William Wilberforce found God. He was a politician and did not know how to reconcile his politics with his faith. He went to his old pastor, John Newton, the man who wrote the hymn, Amazing Grace. Wilberforce didn't get very far when John told him that he was NOT meant for a life of solitude. That people wouldn't let him be. Wilberforce went on to become one of the most influential politicians in England...eventually getting a bill passed for the abolition of slavery in Britain.

Every time I watch that movie I get something new out of it...guess that is one of the marks of a good movie eh?

He was able to combine politics and faith in an extraordinary way. I feel like God is calling me to something larger than I know with my art. That fact...frankly terrifies me. I don't know how to handle it...

That combined with...well frankly my decline of passion...has got me in a real...interesting...situation.

I don't want to be apathetic to the world around me.

I don't want to forget the amazingly incredible work of Jesus for humanity.

Jesus, please don't let me sink into apathy. Lord, you know I'm scared but You also know I want to serve you. Jesus, please light the fire in my heart again for You and Your purpose.

Amazing Grace how sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me.

~Alysha