Two for one today

This kinda describes how I'm feeling at the moment...

"I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music

And it breaks my heart...
It breaks my heart

--Regina Spektor: Fidelity (well, parts)

The music video for this song is amazing. During the whole thing she is "dating" a mannequin with no head, but in the last scene she breaks open her heart necklace and out pours all kinds of colored dust and then her 'fake guy' turns real and they have a colored dust fight. It made me really happy hehe.

I keep feeling like this is all a dream...that I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and things will be back to normal...I...know that can't happen. I know what I'd love to do but I can't do that, I can't even say what I want to say I...I...well...that's all for now.

And the beat goes on...

Well...I'm still as confused as I was yesterday. I tell you what, I thought yesterday was hard...oh no. Nothing compared to today. I didn't know I had that much water in me to cry so much but it's a good thing to cry sometimes. Geez...I found out today that there is no easy way to shut off reminders. Everywhere I go there are memories. I'm not sure what else to say except that I'd love it if you guys would pray. Obviously there is a lot I'm not going to blab about over cyberspace but let's just say that prayer would be greatly appreciated. I know God has His hand in this. I don't know how it will turn out but I know whatever happens it is God's doing and I'm ready to have an open hand and let Him take or give what He wants to.

Gah I hate that all of this is happening now. Why wouldn't it have happened like...six months ago eh? Well...no I know the answer to that. I wasn't ready to listen six months ago. Well I'm listening...not happy about it...but I'm listening.

It will work out for God's glory and He will keep my heart in His hand. I do wish my eyes would stop acting like leaky faucets though...